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Confession: It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that “Netflix and chill” was a euphemism for sex. And if I understand it correctly, “Netflix and chill” really refers to a booty call more than sex within a committed relationship.
Personally, Dan and I are more into “Netflix and cuddle,” but then again, we’re married. We don’t need a pretext to have sex, nor do we need a euphemism to defend spending time together.
I mean… we’re married. We live together. Dinner and Netflix is our nightly routine. “Chill” might not be nightly, but it’s fairly often as well.
But have we fallen into a rut?
Do we need to have more date nights? Play more board games? Go out more on the weekend?
Eh…
I know it’s trendy to criticize technology and how disconnected we all are from each other. How many blog posts have I pinned on at-home date nights other than Netflix?
But the truth is, I love Netflix.
Right now, Dan and I are watching Star Trek: Enterprise, House, and Animaniacs. Previously, we went through all the other Star Trek series, Frasier, and That 70s Show.
And we LOVE talking about them. We could easily spend hours discussing Trekkie stuff–and we often do. Our shows spark discussion and debate.
Dan says that Netflix is cheaper than going to the movies, and you get your own snacks! (You shouldn’t be surprised by this short answer if you read Site Prep with Dan each month).
This past weekend, our snuggly version of “Netflix and chill” was the surprising boost I needed to get out of my low spirits. I’ve been feeling really down for the last week. I’ve felt lethargic, I’ve tired easily, and I’ve just been unmotivated to do anything. But hunkering down with Dan for a few hours of Netflix gave me permission to do nothing without feeling guilt about it, which in turn freed me to want to do something productive afterward.
It’s good to be intentional about our time.
It’s good to have screen-free quality time together.
But I’m so over this weird shaming or guilty attitude we sometimes get about doing something we enjoy.
I love Netflix.
Dan loves Netflix.
Dan and I love each other.
And whaddya know, we love watching Netflix together.
I’m okay with that.
What’s your “guilty pleasure,” and have you released yourself from feeling guilty about it? Do you also enjoy “Netflix and chill”? Share your thoughts below!
P.S. Sometimes we enjoy “Amazon Instant Video and chill” too!
It’s the automatic association with a booty call that bothers me. I’m dating a guy and we really do enjoy watching movies. I made him binge watch Kimmy Schmidt a few weekends ago and we ordered a pizza. End of story. However, when I respond that I watched Netflix with a guy in response to that Monday morning question “what did you do this weekend”, I get the eyebrow raise. As if they’ve read between the lines, when really that was all I did. Even if it was a movie and a hookup that’s really no one’s business – leave Netflix out of your dirty minds people :).
Yeah, I feel like “Netflix and chill” has kind of ruined actual Netflix and chill.
But let’s be honest. People will make ANYTHING dirty! 😉
Honestly, we spent a lot of time watching Netflix! We bond over The West Wing and The Mind Project. (And if we tried to “chill” while watching TWW we’d miss a lot of the plot line- NOT ok.) Haha. It’s inexpensive and easy to relax on the couch together after a long day & turn on Netflix! Nothing wrong with that!
Once we finish House, I’m going to suggest The West Wing for our next hour-long drama. It was one of my mom’s favorite shows.
I do love the simplicity and no cost of Netflix dates!
I think the screen free quality time and date nights are important, but there’s something fun about climbing into bed or curling up on the couch together at the end of the day to watch an episode of the show you’ve been enjoying together while eating a snack, whether it ends in “chill” or not. It’s a fun little ritual and having that show that you can watch together and talk about together is fun!
I appreciate screen-free quality time and date nights, but I also think they’ve become overrated. Not because they aren’t important, but because of this weird backlash against technology in general that I see all over Facebook/Pinterest. (Ah, the irony). So the pendulum has swung too far and over-emphasized screen-free time and date nights, especially date nights out.
Some people just don’t understand balance–the occasional Netflix binge is not the end of the world, nor proof of a problem. Or they don’t understand that different people have different priorities–date nights outside the home are not a financial priority for Dan and me.
Cuddling up together and watching Netflix is one of my biggest little pleasures in life! <3
I’ve spent the last year and a half conducting research on how technology is impacting romantic relationships. I’ve found that a lot of couples use technology as a way to connect (gaming together, etc.) but that the problem comes when one partner perceives that technology is being used by their partner to escape communication about the relationship, problems in the relationship, or connecting with each other altogether.
I do think that people have become overly against technology because they can see the negative consequences that it can have, but like you said, it’s all about balance! If Joe and I have technology free meals and have had some time to talk about our day and connect, then we’ll turn on Netflix and hang out for an hour or so before bed. It’s the days when we do not get that quality time to talk at the end of the day when we don’t usually even think to turn the TV on, we talk instead. But Netflix has been a HUGE part of our relationship while I’ve been in school and had to do homework each night. Joe watches shows, or we rewatch a series that we’ve already watched and I do homework, but we’re hanging out together and cuddling rather than being in separate rooms.
That being said, I am a HUGE fan of at home date nights, especially now that we have a little one and have to add in babysitting costs when we go out most of the time. I’m actually working on a project about date nights. Watch for a post on my blog sometime this week, I’d love your input on the survey that I’ll be conducting before I dive in.
Oh, and the at home date night thing, I forgot I was going to say that we usually try to make our date night something other than what we do most nights to hang out together. If we watch Netflix, it’s a movie, and we watch it on the couch downstairs rather than in bed, etc. We try to have some sort of quality communication/fun involved before we cuddle up to watch TV or a movie.
Yeah, our at-home date nights usually happen when we cook a nice meal together. Usually just one of us makes dinner, or even if we’re both helping, it’s not truly collaborative meal, if that makes sense. On the weekends we might watch a movie instead of a TV series, and we try not to use our phones or laptops at the same time.
Ooh, your research sounds interesting! Have you blogged about it? Or will you? Your conclusion makes sense. Couples can use technology to make their relationships better or worse. It’s really the same with any “tool.” How you wield it matters more than the tool itself.
Netflix saved my sanity while Dan and I were long-distance last year, when he moved to Georgia first. I might have watched all of Sabrina, the Teenage Witch AND Friends during our six weeks apart… (Sabrina is on Amazon Prime, though).
Can’t wait for the new post!
I haven’t blogged about it yet. I was going to over a year ago, after I completed the original project for my class, but then we submitted it to present at a few conferences and now have been doing additional research and working to get it published. Once the research is published, I’ll be able to post a bit about it and link to our paper 🙂
I definitely agree though, anything and everything can harm or help a relationship, depending on how it’s used. Technology has just advanced SO far in the last few years and is constantly at our fingertips, so I think people get too engulfed in it sometimes. It’s all about those boundaries 🙂
I hate the association as well! If I want to end my night literally chilling with my husband watching The Office, then I should be able to without people talking about my sex life.
I know, right?! People’s dirty minds ruin everything.
I’m glad you wrote this! It’s all about moderation, but I think there can be guilt associated to Netflix binges, even if you aren’t overdoing it, because of the negative associations with it! My husband and I watch a lot of Netflix, and this helps me not feel bad about it. 🙂
I definitely don’t think we should feel guilty about the occasional Netflix binge, but yeah, we have to overcome the negative associations.
We don’t have Netflix, although it recently became available in Malaysia, which is pretty cool, somehow “33RM” a month just seems like so much more money that the old $9 a month….even though, depending on the exchange rate, they’re pretty much the same thing, we just don’t have the same income we used to….or the time to just hang out and watch a show together. ha!
People say it’s all about ‘making memories’. I have so many good memories of snuggling up with Angel with all of our fuzzy blankets on our really comfy couch in that perpetually-cold Michigan farmhouse. Those memories are just as real and vivid as all the other adventures we’ve had! We currently don’t live by ourselves and we don’t feel comfortable snuggling on the couch when there’s someone else in the house (haha!), plus it’s just plain hot here….so that is not a big part of life anymore. We still squeeze in shows, my parents have a pretty extensive DVD collection, and we benefit from that.
I’m a PDA snuggler, but I know that’s not for everyone. We had one summer when the AC broke, and it took about a week to replace it. It wasn’t terrible overall, since this was in Ohio, but our bedroom was upstairs, and it got SO hot. We normally fall asleep cuddling, but during this time, we both slept in just our underwear, on opposite sides of the bed, with our feet barely touching each other for affection.
Oh my goodness, I heard the term a while back and thought it just meant to watch Netflix and relax. I had no idea it was referring to sex during the movie! I had used the phrase at work once and got a weird look. Later that day I found out the real meaning and was horrified that I said it to my coworkers! I am obviously very unhip. Lol!
That’s hilarious! Maybe not to you, but to me 😉
Also being married, I really defend this!!! GREAT post and I totally agree, i love netflix and chill and “netflix and chill” [sex] but i don’t need a reason but we do need to work on having more consistent quality time. We watch so many different things as it is that when we find a show we like together, truth is- we binge it together! 🙂 #qualitytimeachieved
I definitely feel like our Netflix binges count as quality time. My dad and I used to videotape (yes, videotape) our two shared favorite shows since they were usually on past my bedtime. Then we would watch them together and have intense conversations about them! One ended up getting canceled mid-season in maybe the 2nd or 3rd year, and the other wasn’t renewed, after a cliffhanger season finale! To this day, we both bemoan the loss of those shows.