Feminist Blogger Fatigue
I am a feminist.
And I’m fucking exhausted.
Believe it or not, but receiving a steady stream of critical comments is not that great for mental health. Yeah, the really mean comments hurt, even when I try to laugh them off as pathetic. But even the low-level criticisms become exhausting after awhile.
I have a steady core of blog readers who comment frequently, if not on every post. Y’all know who you are. Y’all rock my socks. Even when you disagree with me, you still rock.
And then I have a steady core of blog readers who only reach out to me when they dislike something I wrote. They don’t bother to give positive feedback when they agree with me. If they’re sharing my posts, they’re certainly not tagging me in those shares so I can see them.
I am all about some constructive criticism. I welcome polite, thoughtful engagement, even disagreement.
But frankly, you kind of suck as a blog reader if you only shoot me private messages to criticize my writing, and never to praise it.
I already have to deal with people metaphorically yelling at me and calling me hurtful names. At least I can count on the encouraging comments help me balance out the trolls.
But negative comments, no matter how politely-worded, eventually just start to sound like ignorant criticism when that’s all you ever offer. Especially since these messages tend to criticize my choice of brevity. Um, I routinely churn out political posts of 2,000 words with 25+ sources. Sometimes I just want to write a simple 500 words on a narrow feminist topic.
So yeah, I’m tired. I’m tired as a feminist, and I’m tired as a blogger.
Donald Trump
By now you’ve probably heard of the video that surfaced in which Donald Trump describes sexual assault.
Make no mistake, kissing women without their consent, and grabbing their private parts, is sexual assault.
Let's have some clarity and integrity over the terminology and significance.#rapeculture #notok #yesallwomen #youoksis #pussygate pic.twitter.com/Dj8w8Xhiyg
— Anandi A. Premlall ⚜❤🌴 (@AAPremlall) October 10, 2016
I feel so overwhelmed and discouraged, as both an American and as a feminist, that this evil man is the Republican presidential candidate.
But if he wins the election next month, that will NOT be my fault.
Yes, I’m voting for Gary Johnson. No, that doesn’t mean I’m voting for Donald Trump (or Hillary Clinton). A vote for Gary Johnson is a vote for Gary Johnson. Nothing else.
I already did my political part. My first political post of the season, on the primary elections, has over 11,500 page views. For comparison, in just this calendar year, my home page has about 16,200 page views. So, yeah, I think I’ve made a difference.
About 70% of eligible voters didn’t even bother voting in the presidential primaries. So if you want someone to blame for whatever happens in November, blame them, not me.
That goes doubly for the Democrats claiming I’m not a “real feminist” because I won’t vote for Hillary Clinton. Are you attacking your non-voting acquaintances with equal venom? Are you spreading the word about voter registration deadlines and other important ballot questions in November?
From completely biased observation (Facebook), I somehow doubt it.
Yes, Trump is worse than Clinton.
That doesn't mean I have to vote for her.
I'm still voting for @GovGaryJohnson.
— Brita Long (@BelleBrita) October 10, 2016
Rape Culture
Republicans, I have a bone to pick with you too.
Let’s just say I find it highly suspicious when people suddenly start to care about sexual assault. I like to give the benefit of the doubt–I’ve only been actively researching rape culture for about 5 years. So maybe those of you pointing out the accusations against Bill Clinton are just now realizing that sexual violence is a big problem.
I genuinely thought that maybe my long history of posting to Facebook about supporting survivors had enlightened some people.
And yet… there’s this weird silence regarding the sexual assault and rape accusations against Donald Trump. Where is all the righteous anger that was shown for Bill Clinton? Donald Trump literally bragged about sexually assaulting women. That is pretty damning evidence, not to mention the women coming forward.
Of course, weird silence is better than the other reaction.
“All men talk like that.”
“It’s just locker room talk.”
But rape culture is just a myth manufactured by feminists to punish men for their sexuality, right?
Trump: I get away with sexually assaulting women because I'm famous.
Misogynists: All men talk like that when women aren't around.
— Brita Long (@BelleBrita) October 8, 2016
If you are defending Donald Trump’s comments, YOU are part of the problem. YOU cannot be trusted.
Feminist Fatigue Continued
So yeah, I’m exhausted.
I’m exhausted because I feel like nothing I do is good enough. Good enough as a Christian, or as a feminist, or as a libertarian, or as a blogger, or even just as a human being.
I’m exhausted because Facebook, one slightly safe-ish Internet space, has turned into a rampant cesspool of rape culture. Donald Trump has given misogynists everywhere the freedom to spew their terrible thoughts online. People use real names on Facebook. And yet, now people feel comfortable publicly defending sexual assault, under their real names.
I feel helpless.
I feel lost.
But I’m not giving up.
I believe in feminism, and I believe in America.
Even if life feels bleak right now, it will get better.
I will keep writing about feminism and about politics.
I will do my best to be the change I wish to see in the world. From the bottom of my heart, I encourage you to do the same.
Maybe instead of nitpicking feminist bloggers, you should devote your free time to improving your own sphere of influence…
I’m just saying.
You go girl. That’s all I have to say to this. And, weirdly, I feel that’s all that I NEED to say to this. You go girl.
Thanks, Charlene. You have been such a good friend to me, and not just as a fellow blogger. I cannot express often enough how glad I am to have you in my life. <3
Thanks, friend! You’re too sweet!
Keep going. Brita!
Feminist fatigue is a great way to explain what I’m feeling. I’m just tired. It’s like we’ve gone forward in SO many ways in race equality but for some reason I feel like we’re going backwards with equality for women. SIgh. Even as a Canadian I can barely put the news on because I can’t hear anymore hate.
You know American politics are bad when Canadians are worried too.
Thank you for your consistent comments, BTW. You’re one of the steady core of blog readers who rock my socks. <3
Hi Brita – I’m a long time lurker and don’t comment often, but I just wanted to let you know I really enjoy your blog, and I can tell how much time and thought you put into it. I especially like your posts on feminism, faith, and/or politics. I can totally relate to the fatigue you express in this post. I am right there too. I’ve been trying to take the advice in Phil. 4:8 to focus on whatever is true, noble, right, etc. – so basically cat gifs. 🙂
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I’ve really been into math jokes lately. To misquote Mean Girls, math jokes are funny in all languages. And across political lines.
“But negative comments, no matter how politely-worded, eventually just
start to sound like ignorant criticism when that’s all you ever offer.”
That isn’t me. But it was for about 20 years. I tended to assume (and still do occasionally, when I’m not paying attention) that the areas of agreement go without saying, and the interesting points are the ones where there’s disagreement. That disagreeing with someone is already a sign of respect. It means you think someone’s opinions are worth engaging with, and that the person is open-minded enough to change if they’re wrong, and smart enough to collaborate in figuring out what’s wrong with my views if theirs are right. I know that very often, disagreement doesn’t mean that. I know that often, people disagree to be disagreeable. But I still have to be careful to remember it.
My faith is that there is such a thing as truth, about the important issues. That, although there are questions that are mere differences of taste, both at the level of individuals, those aren’t the big moral questions. That no one has it all right or all wrong. That it’s worth trying to correct those of one’s views that are wrong. And that if I’m wrong even about these core beliefs, they still are a much better set of assumptions than believing that one’s own side has all the answers. Or worse yet, that there is no truth, and that disagreements must either be suppressed or resolved by conflict.
But not everyone shares my faith, and it’s worth distinguishing myself from them, if I’m going to focus in the interesting stuff, i.e. the areas of disagreement.
Your blog is excellent, and your views (even where they differ from mine) are worthy of respect. They’re worthy of actual, earned, substantive respect, not merely of the kind of respect that everyone is entitled to as a matter of human decency and ordinary politeness.
I do hope you know how much I appreciate your contributions to my blog’s comment space. In fact, I was thinking of you specifically when I worded my two descriptions of blog readers, because I wanted you to count yourself in the first group and not the second.
I try to disagree with people only from a position of mutual respect. There are many times when I realize it’s just better not to engage at all, because someone else’s position utterly repulses me, and I cannot disagree with them respectfully.
Unfortunately, in my experience, not everyone feels the same way. I’ve dealt with a lot of “devil’s advocate” people who disagree just to be obnoxious. Then there are the people who criticize endlessly on the tiniest of things, without offering any alternative or solution. And don’t get me started on the people who leave pissed off comments to my posts based on the title alone, because they can’t even bother to READ my blog before telling me how wrong I am.
I like to think that there’s some Ultimate Truths, and we small people just need to iron out the details. But then something like this election season happens, and it makes me wonder.
I greatly appreciate your readership and your respect of my work. Truly, your comments, all of them, but especially this one, encourage me to be a better writer.
I read your blog because of the political and feminist posts.They always give me a lot to think about, and to me that’s the mark of a great writer!
Thank you! I’m glad to hear that!
<3 Thanks for sharing your thoughts, as always!!!
You are so welcome <3
Seriously, PLEASE keep doing your thing. Your words and educated opinions have made a difference in my world. Don’t carry such a heavy burden; just keep standing for what you believe in.
Standing for what I believe in is a lot easier said than done. But I plan to keep trying. Thank you for your encouragement. <3
I’m exhausted and angry this week, too. And quite frankly completely baffled.
We all need to learn how to stand up for what is right (like, I don’t know, creating a culture where sexual assault is not okay?) and we all need to learn that it’s totally possible to RESPECTFULLY disagree.
On a lighter note, I saw a picture of Gary Johnson that said, “Respects Emails AND Females” and thought of you! It made me laugh but also HELLO HE’S A GREAT CANDIDATE!
I am thrilled that a humorous Gary Johnson photo reminded you of me. Also, “Respects Emails AND Females” totally cracks me up.
I read this the other day and couldn’t stop laughing. http://thelibertarianrepublic.com/undercover-tape-johnson/
Brita, I haven’t had the chance to read many of your posts over the last year because of life/work stuff, but I knew I had to read this one. I saved it the day it went up.
Even though I have not written as much on any of these topics, I know how you feel. On a much smaller scale, my reporting resulted in some similar situations for me. Keyboard warriors who would never have the balls to say the shit they attacked me with online to my face.
It’s tiring. All the time. But don’t give up–what you have to say is important, regardless of whether people always agree with you. In fact, if someone 100% agrees with you 100% of the time, I’d be worried the person isn’t ever thinking for themselves. BUT you are wise, you have a lot of things to say, and if nothing else, what you say should be enough to challenge your readers to really find out why they believe what they believe.
You’re doing an awesome job. All the time. Keep pushing through, but take breaks when you need to in order to refresh your mind and self. <3.
Sending you love Brita! <3 Please know what you are doing is making a different but it's also okay to take a step back just to breath and regroup.
Go you! I love that you have no qualms with talking about this (or really anything) online.
I’m definitely tired of many things, too. I’m absolutely ready for this election to be over but it makes me worried about what the fall out will be. I really believe Donald Trump will not be elected President, but I can’t believe that as a society we’ve let it get so far and so many people have casually ignored his racist, sexist, hateful comments. I don’t want this to be the norm….ever again.
I have been exhausted with this whole race in general. I do not understand how anyone could support sexual assault, and when they support him they are supporting assault. Thanks for speaking up.