Dan and I have been married for over 18 months. Wow! Time flies! Last year I shared 6 lessons I learned in my first 6 months of marriage.
Today I want to let y’all in on a little secret. I have gleamed all the Christian relationship advice out there. It all boils down to a few simple concepts. Just follow these 3 easy steps, and you too can be a great wife!
- Keep yourself pure until marriage. According to Paul, in 1 Corinthians 7, your body is not your own, but your future husband’s. Having any sexual intimacy before marriage is denying your future husband his God-given exclusive rights to your body.
- Once you are married, your priority should be your husband’s sexual pleasure. Again, look at 1 Corinthians 7. It’s sinful for you to deny your husband’s desire for sex.
- Submit to your husband in everything, not just sex. He is a man and thus has authority over you.
If we were talking right now, I’d be cracking up already. There’s no way I could keep a straight face while claiming this sexist bullshit is necessary to be a good wife.
Sadly, I’m not lying that many Christians offer this up as relationship advice. If you don’t believe me, click through the links above and see what they have to say. These are the harmful messages that many Christian women receive nonstop throughout their lives. These are the same harmful messages spouted by the Duggar family. And look where that’s left poor Anna Duggar.
No matter how many books you write or how loudly you scream from the pulpit, the truth is that the Bible is open to interpretation. Which means that even the definition of a good Christian marriage–and a good Christian wife–are also open to interpretation.
For further details on just how many ways to be a good Christian woman, consider reading Sarah Bessey’s Jesus Feminist or A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans.
By the most conservative Christian standards, I’ve already failed as a wife. I’ve kissed people other than my husband. I’m married to an atheist, which apparently means we’re totes unevenly yoked.
But by my standards, and I think by Dan’s standards, I’m a pretty good wife.
I love him.
I respect him.
I listen to him.
I share with him.
I teach him.
I learn from him.
I support him.
I comfort him.
I cook for us.
I clean for us.
I snuggle him.
I laugh with (and sometimes at) him.
I kiss him.
I’m not a perfect person, but I’m good at being Dan’s wife. That’s good enough for me.
How are you a good spouse or significant other? What harmful messages do you reject from your faith traditions?
Aw, those photos.
I’ll be sharing this with my friend who’s about to get married. And also save this for my future use. 😉
Thanks. 🙂 The first one is from San Antonio, right after our wedding rehearsal. The second is from our engagement photos!
I’m glad you enjoyed this post!
My god, those first three “rules”. No, thank you. I love your approach to this.
I know, right? I’ve read way too many stories of women who finally left abusive relationships who said they stayed because they believed all that. 🙁
I started reading the ‘rules’ and started freaking out wondering what had happened and then I got through it. Great post
Hahahaha, I’m tricky like that! 😉
I agree with #1, that’s my religious belief and personal standard but I got to #2 and was like, umm…. and then I got to #3 and knew you were joking 😉
Great Post Brita! Thanks for sharing at Inspiration Thursday!
Just FYI, you’re an amazing link-up host. I love receiving your comments every week. 🙂
Aw, thank you! That made my day. I really do enjoy hosting and I love meeting so many talented writers.
If I were going by those “rules” I totally failed haha. It’s crazy to think in this modern day there are so many people that still teach these “rules” to their young daughters. It’s a shame.
Glad I’m not the only “failure” out there. 😉 I definitely worry about women still growing up with these harmful messages. Abusers within the Christian faith use these rules to manipulate women into staying with them. 🙁
I almost left before reading that you were not serious. I love God and Jesus but to live by the Bible word for word, is not even feasible in today’s world. Loving your blog and strength. Can’t wait to see more.
Sarcasm and satire are kinda my thing. It’s easy for me to mock ideas that I greatly oppose.
Thank you so much for the compliment. I encourage you to read other posts with the marriage tag.