I’m not a big fan of platitudes. I believe in the power of prayer, and I believe in God’s plan for me, but I don’t need a saccharine platitude when I’m hurting. Don’t tell me life will get better when life is hard now.
It’s been a really, really hard year, easily the hardest year of my life thus far. My mom was diagnosed with cancer, my grandmother died, and just six months into our marriage, my husband lost his job.
Just one of those events could make life challenging, and I’ve had all three this year.
But life is not an eternal spring. I can’t always choose my life circumstances, but I can determine my attitude.
It’s easy to count God’s blessings when everything is going right. But we still need to remember how She blesses us when life is hard. It’s so easy for me to take the little things for granted. When the big things go wrong, the little things hold me together, and I remember that God always provides.
How has God blessed me through this tumultuous year?
I’m blessed to work freelance from home, primarily with one company owned by a sympathetic man. When my parents broke the news to me about my mom’s cancer, I was able to rush home for her surgery. For two weeks, I did the bare minimum required of my job and spent the rest of the time with my family. Most people don’t have jobs with that kind of flexibility, but I do.
When Grandma entered hospice care in June, Dan and I were able to adjust our travel plans for our Labor Day vacation to include a few days in Denver. Our travel plans were actually made easier by our decision to fly in and out of Denver and just drive to Salt Lake City for the main part of our vacation. This isn’t the first time that Dan and I have been blessed by our ability to get to Denver cheaply. We also had the luxury of flying out for Christmas back in 2012 and flying out for my cousin’s wedding in 2013. After spending most of my life only seeing Grandma every two to three years, I consider myself blessed indeed to visit her three times in the year and a half before her death.
While I wouldn’t characterize Dan’s job loss as a blessing, we are blessed to be in a financially-stable position for a few months, even without his income. While I don’t earn enough to support the two of us entirely, my income can cover our major expenses. Our emergency savings are also plentiful. His job loss has also forced us to reevaluate our spending habits. While we’re both savers, and we have always tried to eat at home, we still found ways to trim our budget. The good habits we’re practicing now should continue even after he finds a new job.
The greatest blessing of all is my husband. On March 22, we vowed to love each other “for better or for worse.” This year definitely counts as “for worse,” but through it all, having Dan by my side has made it better. He’s been my rock through my mom’s cancer and my grandmother’s death. More than that, Dan has handled his unemployment with maturity and selflessness.
He does yard work in exchange for a break on our rent. He spent several days volunteering with Habitat for Humanity. He does all the cooking and all the grocery shopping. He finished building my tea cabinet. The two weekends in a row when I was out-of-town, Dan cleaned the house top to bottom, and he organized our utility room. When I was sick last week with a cold, he cooked me soup, prepared me tea, fetched me blankets, and snuggled with me despite my sniffles. He spent a few weeks perfecting his resume with consultations from our wise extended family, and he checks with me before each job application to make sure I’m okay with the location.
I’m still hurting, and that’s okay.
While I have done what I can to focus on the positive, I can’t just turn off my feelings. I still miss my grandmother. I’m still scared for my mom. I’m still hurt and angry about Dan’s unemployment. I’ve spent a lot of time crying this year, and that’s okay.
But there’s a difference between giving myself time to cry and wallowing in self-pity. Thanking God for Her blessings amidst my pain prevents me from the latter.
I’m pretty sure life can only get better, but the truth is, I have no way of knowing for sure.
So for me, for now, I choose to focus on what is already good in my life and give thanks to God.
Linking up with Madison and Rachel for Community Brew.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Brita. I can only imagine how hard this year has been for you, but God’s grace is evident in the blessings you’ve shared. I’m praying for you and your family!
Thank you so much. I appreciate your prayers.
I’m so sorry for your loss, but your attitude and perspective is so amazing and encouraging!!
Truly, the credit goes to God and to my husband. Dan has very much fulfilled his vows this year.
I’m so sorry for your losses this year. You are inspiring.
I owe it all to God and to my husband. They’re the ones getting me through this year.
I haven’t walked exactly in your shoes, but I can totally sympathize with you, Brita. This year has be a long, hard one for me, too. Getting used to a new job with more than double the hours, having several physical issues(requiring surgeries), but the loss of our son topped them all. I agree that no platitudes do a broken heart justice. It’s o.k. to grieve, mourn, and cry! The important thing is that as we do these things, we turn to our Lord for comfort and to find true joy again.
Oh, my goodness, you have definitely had a trying year as well. I am so sorry for your struggles, especially the loss of your son. I can’t imagine how hard that must be. Yes, grieving, mourning, and crying have their own way of healing us. Even Jesus wept for Lazarus.
I’m sorry for the hard year you’ve had, but I’m impressed and inspired by your optimism. Even if you’re not optimistic every day, I think just having that positivity in the back of your mind can help you get through some of those tough days. It’s amazing how having a great partner in crime (or in marriage) can truly make such an impact in our lives!
You make a good point that it’s okay not to feel optimistic every day. I try to average it out each week, so that my overall perspective is a positive one! And yes, Dan truly does make everything easier. 😀
I’ll have to add “A Thousands Gifts” to my to-read pile. That sounds wonderful! It reminds me of a related point. It’s so easy when things are going right to thank God, but still take all the credit. One thing I’ve tried to do (I still often forget!) is to thank God for Her help, very specifically, when “my” efforts lead to my success. The smallest example I can think of is this difficult weave lane on my exit from my job to my apartment when I still lived in Columbus. If traffic was light and changing lanes was easy, I thanked God. If traffic was heavy, but I still avoided an accident, I thanked God. It was something I did literally 3-5 days a week, but for that one thing, I always remembered to thank God. Now if I can just remember to thank Her for everything else…
Great article, I inspiring to know god is still with us in our worst situations, not trying to offend but why do you refer to God as a she?.
Genesis 1:27. Man and woman are both made in the image of God. My God isn’t so small that I think She is exclusively male. God is much bigger than gender. Some people prefer to reflect this reality using the pronoun “They,” but I prefer to focus on the part of God that relates to me personally. After all, I am a woman made in Her image.
Is god a she