I have not left for France yet, but the guest posts have already begun! So many bloggers wanted to contribute to Friday’s The F-Word that I won’t need to blog about feminism for another month. I love writing on feminist issues, but I don’t mind taking a short break!
Today’s guest post comes from Kayla Whitter, a 20-something living in a small college town with her hubby and their furbaby, Courage. She enjoys burritos, coffee, and Chick-fil-a, and she LOVES cats. Kayla enjoys a good entertainment binge, whether that’s binge-watching Netflix or binge-reading thrillers. She runs the lifestyle blog a paper arrow.
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Let’s Talk about Dress Codes
Hi, friends! I’m Kayla from over at a paper arrow, a lifestyle blog. I’m really pumped about guest posting today on Belle Brita, and I hope you all enjoy my post!
So, today I want to talk about something that really gets under my skin, and being the passive-aggressive person that I am, have never really done anything about it.
Let’s talk about dress codes.
The High School Incident
My first big issue with dress-code was during my sophomore year of high school. I vividly remember it. The school had just started adding a message to the morning announcements, which was something along the lines of “Please check your students for any dress code violations and send them to the office.” If it seems a little intense, that’s because it was.
Although I no longer own the outfit I was wearing, and I don’t have a picture of it, I remember it clearly. I was wearing fitted denim capris, a fitted spaghetti strap dress (yes, over my jeans), and a denim vest. (Obviously I chose eclectic fashion ensembles). I wasn’t wearing a bra because the dress had one built in. The capris had a rip up the butt by the back pocket and I was wearing a thong…
But hey, no big deal, my dress was covering it, right? And the spaghetti straps were okay, because the vest covered those… Right?
Wrong, clearly.
A teacher sent me to the office, where I had to pick a dirty shirt out of the lost and found. Instead of being allowed to wear the tee over my dress, I had to turn my dress into the office (so I wouldn’t change back into it during the day). So, this left me with a visible rip in the butt of my jeans, and a dirty white tee shirt over my bra-less chest for the entirety of the school day.
I was uncomfortable, and really felt that this forced outfit was definitely more of a “distraction” than the reasonable outfit I had worn to school.
The Problem with Dress Codes
Because that’s what it all boils down to, right, is that our outfits (as woman) may distract the other students. (This in itself perpetuates rape culture, but that’s a whole different conversation, isn’t it?) What’s worse is that the teacher that sent to me to the office and the principal that made me change were both actually women.
Dress codes are a major issue that tend to mostly target women. Some of the major points in dress codes are:
- Don’t show your belly, breasts, back, or booty.
- No spaghetti straps or low-cut shirts.
- Shorts/skirts must fall within [this many inches] of your knee.
You get the gist.
Not only do dress codes target women, but so many of these codes are implemented by other women. It’s as if there is this terrible need to sabotage other women, when we should be supporting each other, saying “hey, you look great!” (again, this is another conversation).
The Work Incident
More recently, I was sent home from work for a dress I had worn before, several times. I was told the dress was too short (and later, that it was too summer-y. It was a black shift dress, whatever). I went to my parents to borrow something to change into. I was distraught. My mom was on my side (of course!), but my dad immediately said, “It’s because you have big thighs.”
I felt crushed. Not because my father had said my thighs were large, which they are. I know that I am plus-size. No, I was crushed because I immediately felt that if someone else had worn the dress, someone thinner, they would not have been sent home.
Let me be clear: I have no animosity towards thin people. However, we live in a society where too many people fall on one side or the other. “You have to be thin to be beautiful” or “Real women have curves.”
I think the fact that my thighs touch make some people uncomfortable, especially if they have to see them. I struggle when getting dressed, when I wonder, “Will I get sent home if I wear this dress?”
While I understand the need for a professional dress code in a professional setting, there shouldn’t be double standards. If this dress is “too short” or “too summer-y” for me, why is not for someone else?
Have you had a similar experience (or experiences) where your outfit “violated” dress code, but felt that you were singled out? Let’s talk about how we can combat these issues.
Ugh both of these stories make me furious! As you said, I understand why there needs to be a professional dress code, and even a dress code in school (because if there was no standard, things could possibly get really out of hand). But it needs to be fair across the board. I usually disagree with the exact standards most dress codes enforce and I certainly disagree with how they target women. Especially larger women. Ridiculous!
It’s definitely really frustrating!
The biggest problem for me is how subjectively they’re often enforced. The most obvious example from both my middle school and high school would be how the cheerleaders’ uniforms never met dress code requirements, but they could wear them all day in school on game days. I get the need for physical activities having proper clothing for movement, but there’s no actual need for cheerleaders to have skirts that barely cover their butts and show their bare midriff. (I actually don’t have a problem with clothing like that, but if it’s not okay for the rest of the school, it shouldn’t be okay for cheerleaders).
Omg, yes! That always blew my mind! Like, that’s their UNIFORM, but their uniform is against all the dress codes. It makes no sense whatsoever!
I went to private school growing up so I had to wear uniforms but there were still strict dress codes. The skirt had to be a certain length. I was always singled out and sent to the office for my skirt being too short. Looking back now as an adult I know it wasn’t short. I was being singled out for being taller than most of the girls around me. So my skirt always looked short compared to theirs. Sometimes I was even accused of wearing shoes that the heals were too high even though they were the same shoes other girls wore with their uniforms.
I understand this issue, too. I’m 5’7″, so pretty average as an adult, but I’ve been this height since 7th grade. So I would get in trouble for shorts and dresses for being too short, but I was just tall.
It amazes me that even with wearing the uniform, you would get sent to the office. Inconsistencies in dress code for differences in body sizes and shapes is so frustrating!
That is absolutely ridiculous and proves that uniforms aren’t a flawless solution. I always thought having uniforms would help, but if they’re required, then teachers should accept the clothing as okay.
I hate dress codes. Or rather, the wording of them. It’s one thing to have standards and say, for example, pencil skirts instead of mini skirts. It’s another to say that the skirt should be x inches above your knee or go home in shame. Like you mentioned, these rules aren’t body positive. It just doesn’t take into account that things will look different on different people.
I’ve never been singled out due to dress codes, even when I was in violation, and I know that’s unfair. I know that it was because I’m petite and thin – and I was enough of a brat to take advantage of it sometimes in high school, alas. I got away with skirts that were too short but didn’t look it, and tops that would have shown “too much” cleavage on girls with different body types.
It definitely goes against body positivity. And I appreciate your words on how you wouldn’t get in trouble, but others would. That’s not necessarily even you being in the wrong! It’s the fact that the dress codes aren’t enforced across the board.
Having grown up in Catholic schools, I grew up with uniforms and they were always the bain of my existence BUT being petite and skinny I got away with a LOT more than someone who was overweight or maybe not as “attractive” it was blatingly obvious and we all saw it but we couldn’t do anything about it. I had friends who had similar situations you’ve been in and it breaks my heart, especially because at that age you don’t know who you are or how you want to be as an adult and adults pointing out “imperfections” is just wrong.
YES! It is heartbreaking, because it makes you feel like you’re “wrong.” And the uniform issue is always weird to me, because I don’t understand how you can still get in trouble if you’re in uniform!
I am all for dress codes promoting professionalism, but when it’s only because it distracts boys/men, then that poses a problem.
My feelings exactly!