Welcome to the first day of the 2019 Love Blog Challenge! Today’s prompt is the Five Love Languages. Check out the announcement post for all the prompts and rules this month. I use affiliate links in this post. Read my disclosure for details.
I’m so excited to be back another year for my annual Love Blog Challenge! It’s a lot of work blogging every weekday, but it’s a worthwhile challenge. Today’s prompt is familiar to anyone who has participated before. I absolutely love the concept of the Five Love Languages. This prompt always attracts a great deal of attention, so I keep bringing it back!
I initially discovered the concept of love languages about a decade ago, and I finally read the book about seven years ago. Understanding the different love languages has helped me in all of my relationships, not just in my marriage.
Five Love Languages Summary
If you’re not familiar with the book or the concept, the idea is that each person has a primary love language. You feel most loved when people use your love language, and it’s also the way you naturally express love to others. What are the five love languages?
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
Understanding your own language, as well as the love languages of your loved ones, helps you communicate better. You learn to speak someone else’s love language while also recognizing when they express their love in their own love language.
Gary Chapman’s original book The 5 Love Languages goes into great detail about each of the five languages. It focuses on romantic relationships, but the concept can be applied to any relationship. You can also read one of the subsequent books to learn how to apply the five love languages to other relationships.
- The 5 Love Languages Singles Edition
- The 5 Love Languages Military Edition
- A Teen’s Guide to the 5 Love Languages
- The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers
- The 5 Love Languages of Children
- Discovering the 5 Love Languages at School (Grades 1-6)
- The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace
Chapman includes case studies of couples who applied successfully applied this concept to their marriage. One of these case studies features a woman with a physically abusive husband. The entire story is deeply disturbing. While I certainly hope Chapman’s intention was not to suggest women stay with abusive spouses and work harder at submission, that is essentially the moral of this case study.
That said, if you ignore that one story, The 5 Love Languages is applicable even to couples who are not Christian. While Chapman himself is a Christian, the book is not overly preachy or religious.
Keep reading to learn more about the five love languages, plus tips on speaking each love language.
What are the Five Love Languages?
My primary love language is Words of Affirmation. This has never changed, no matter how often I take the quiz! Dan’s primary love language is Physical Touch. His hasn’t changed either.
Below you’ll find a summary of each love language.
Words of Affirmation
I’m starting with my own love language since it’s my favorite!
If Words of Affirmation is your love language, you need to hear the words, “I love you.” You thrive on compliments. A simple “thank you for your hard work” makes you feel appreciated.
If Words of Affirmation is your love language, you also react strongly to hurtful words. Harsh criticism, sarcasm, dismissive language, and name-calling all hurt you.
How to speak Words of Affirmation
Is your partner’s love language Words of Affirmation? These ideas will help you speak their love language!
- Say “I love you” daily, preferably multiple times per day.
- Offer a verbal expression of gratitude when your partner does something nice for you. “Thank you for doing the dishes!”
- Compliment your partner’s appearance regularly. “Have I told you lately how beautiful you are?”
- Compliment your partner’s skills or work. “You’re such a talented woodworker.” “I enjoyed your latest blog post.”
Acts of Service
If Acts of Service is your love language, then you feel loved when someone does things to make your life easier. You really appreciate completed chores. Small gestures, like your partner holding the door open or bringing you a drink, give you a warm and fuzzy feeling.
If Acts of Service is your love language, you also feel unloved when all the daily responsibilities fall to you. Dirty socks next to the hamper, crusty dishes by the sink, or a near-empty tank of gas all make you feel forgotten, not important enough for thoughtful consideration.
Dan actually speaks Acts of Service very well. He’s always doing things for the people he loves. However, he doesn’t prioritize receiving Acts of Service. He comes from a family of handy people who all help each other out, no big deal. I share this example because the concept of the five love languages isn’t perfect. Some people speak one love language best while feeling most loved through a different love language.
How to speak Acts of Service
Is your partner’s love language Acts of Service? These ideas will help you speak their love language!
- Bring them their towel when they get out of the pool.
- Make them breakfast in bed.
- Edit their blog post.
- Pick up their family at the airport.
- Listen to their work presentation on tanks.
If Receiving Gifts is your love language, then you feel loved when someone gives you a thoughtful gift. The love language Receiving Gifts isn’t about greed or status. Small gifts, like a surprise card in the mail or your favorite dessert for dinner, make you feel loved and remembered.
If Receiving Gifts is your love language, then you also feel neglected or unimportant when you receive a thoughtless or generic gift. Red roses when your favorite color is pink, a bottle of red wine when you prefer white–these sorts of gifts make you feel unloved.
How to speak Receiving Gifts
Is your partner’s love language Receiving Gifts? These ideas will help you speak their love language!
- Surprise them at the airport with their favorite flowers.
- Pick up their favorite candy while buying groceries.
- Send them a postcard when you’re on a business trip.
- Celebrate all holidays, even the little ones, with a small gift.
If Physical Touch is your love language, then you need frequent physical affection. You love holding hands with your partner. If it were up to you, every day would start and end with a kiss. Your friends and family know you as a hugger! Physical Touch isn’t just about sex, but you do value physical intimacy in a romantic relationship.
If Physical Touch is your love language, then you feel rejected or unattractive when your overtures for affection are rebuffed. You are also easily hurt when someone crosses or disrespects your physical boundaries.
How to speak Physical Touch
Is your partner’s love language Physical Touch? These ideas will help you speak their love language!
- Kiss your partner good-bye each day.
- Kiss your partner hello each day.
- Start dancing with your partner when a good song plays!
- Initiate sex.
- Be gentle when declining sex. If you are able, try to schedule sex for another time, or offer a sexy alternative, like taking a hot bath together or cuddling naked.
Please note, I am NOT suggesting that anyone with the Physical Touch love language needs or even wants constant sex from a partner. Consent is still absolutely mandatory in an established sexual relationship, whether that’s marriage or another long-term committed partnership. If Physical Touch is your love language, you should not use that to manipulate your partner into sex. A healthy sexual relationship requires open communication and trust.
If Quality Time is your love language, then you feel loved when someone offers you their undivided attention. You appreciate a device-free meal. Date night is a priority. You feel loved when your partner asks you about your day and then listens to your answer.
If Quality Time is your love language, then you feel hurt when someone cancels plans. You feel neglected when someone prioritizes everything except for you.
How to speak Quality Time
Is your partner’s love language Quality Time? These ideas will help you speak their love language!
- Plan an intentional date night.
- Ask your partner about their day.
- Take a class together, like watercolors or wine-tasting.
- Enjoy a screen-free weekend together.
I hope this summary of the five love languages inspires you! Even if you’re already a pro at speaking your partner’s love language, it’s important to speak all the love languages to build and maintain a healthy relationship.
For more inspiration, check out what other bloggers have written on the five love languages! Find the first blog link-up of the 2019 Love Blog Challenge down below.
Meet Your 2019 Love Blog Challenge Hosts!
Brita Long is the pink and sparkly personality behind the Christian feminist lifestyle blog, Belle Brita. On her blog and social media, you’ll discover more than authentic storytelling–she’s brutally honest about pursuing a fulfilling and joyful life even with Crohn’s Disease and depression.
Alessia is a lifestyle blogger, entrepreneur and post-graduate student in History from the best borough in London, up and coming Croydon. She’s a bit like Emma Woodhouse (Pemberley Digital version) and just about no longer the most eligible Catholic bachelorette, as she has found her Mr Knightley in sunny Derbyshire.
Charlene is a 20-something wife and fur-mama living in Portland, Oregon. She’s a follower of Christ, watcher of SciFi, reader of fantasy, singer of show tunes, and lover of her husband! She uses her blog, Enduring All Things, to help couples build a marriage that will endure whatever comes their way.
Do you know your primary love language? How do the five love languages help your relationships? Leave your thoughts below!