I love blogging.
I love having my own platform to share my feelings, my experiences, my opinions, and anything else that inspires me to write.
I love connecting with other bloggers. I love reading and commenting on other blogs. I love reading and replying to your comments on my blog. I love keeping up with other bloggers on social media too. It’s just one more way to stay connected!
I try to be authentic on my blog and on social media. (There’s that blogging buzzword again!)
I write about Crohn’s Disease. Seriously, I have a detailed post about colonoscopies already scheduled for Thursday.
I write about my grief, about my mom. I frequently cry while writing, but it’s therapeutic for me.
But no matter how vulnerable my writing is, I still only post beautiful photos and graphics. This is doubly true for my Instagram feed.
People don’t follow me on Instagram to see blurry, unedited photos of my life. As much praise as I receive for my honest writing, I’m cynical enough to know I would lose some followers if I blasted my staph infection all over Instagram.
And that’s the ugly truth about blogging, and about social media.
Being pretty matters.
Yes, I frequently post photos of me without makeup or with just a smidgen of lipstick. But my willingness to be “real” with my “natural” looks still relies on having a reasonably attractive face.
I chopped off all of my hair two weeks ago. My new haircut is super-cute. And I refuse to take photos until my staph infection clears up. I have ugly red spots on my face that are now dry and flaking as they heal.
If I could get away with it, I would just stay home and not see anyone until I’m completely healed. I’m so embarrassed by how I look right now. I can’t remember the last time I felt this insecure about my appearance.
If anything, this temporary staph infection has really opened my eyes to pretty privilege. I’m not saying that I’m drop-dead gorgeous, or that men hit on me, or that I turn heads wherever I go. But I’m at least cute, with good hair, a nice smile, and great boobs. And that goes far both online and offline.
Successful blogging takes hard work. So is being successful on your social media platform of choice. I’m not up to over 8,000 followers on Instagram from sheer luck alone. But I’m cynical enough to think that companies would be less than pleased if I were to post pictures of me wearing their pretty things with an ugly red rash all over my body. That’s not an image that anyone wants to sell, except maybe a pharmaceutical company.
And that’s the ugly truth about blogging.
As much as I love authenticity in blogging, I’m still selling a branded version of myself. And that branded image can’t be ugly.
So true and honest. I love this.
Personally, I get grossed out when I see as your example, rashes or anything that suggests disease. I mean, if you think about it, it’s the fact of life. It’s the truth and it’s happening. But somehow, we want to see beauty, something pleasant, and enticing. We try to make our page pretty because that represents who we are. Our public image online so to speak.
I don’t think it’s fraud or anything though. Even in real life, we try to be the best versions of ourselves every day, don’t we? I think it’s just the same.
I can also at least say that I try to be as honest as I could to my readers with what I write. With the few minutes of their time wasted on my page, I owe it to them.
Your readers aren’t wasting their time on your blog! I know they appreciate your honesty. That’s why they come back! <3
I totally understand. As you know Reuben has a rash on his face and I don’t even see it anymore but it’s usually the first thing people say when meeting him for the first time. Blasted eczema, we’ve tried everything! It doesn’t bother me when people ask but I forget it’s there sometimes… I love your blog and I can’t wait to see your new haircut. Feeling overwhelmed and upset by how you look and being unable to fix it is not a pleasant thing to go through. I hate that stuck, fluttery feeling I get about my own postpartum belly sometimes… I can’t imagine a rash on my face as an adult,
Yeah, I’ve had eczema most of my life. It actually gets worse when my Crohn’s is bad. It really sucks having it on your face because topical treatments, especially prescription ones, should often be a last resort for your face. If you haven’t already, check out derma e products. It’s not medicine or anything, just a skincare line. But their hydrating eye cream completely cleared up my dry, flaky, itchy eyes that I’ve struggled with for like a decade. I also stopped getting eczema outbreaks on my chin after using one of their face washes and moisturizers for about a month.
You really nailed it on the head. It’s not just that I don’t like my appearance right now, but that it’s completely out of my control! I’m so insecure with this rash, and all I can do is take my antibiotics and wait for it to clear up. In the meantime, the healing process actually makes the rash look worse. 🙁
Ehh, so it goes. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to put your best self forward. That’s why no one really rolls out of bed and out the door unless they’re going to Wal-Mart or college classes. And it just makes sense to curate what you put online more because you can’t ever take it back. It’s one thing to post a candid photo of yourself; it’s another to see some random netizen turn it into a meme.
But I feel you on the insecurities. I was always known for having a flawless complexion back in hs/college, and never had acne until my twenties when my skin got super sensitive. It made me insecure about my looks in a way that nothing else ever has, because even during those shitty teen years, it was comforting to know I at least had good skin. And while it was nice to be able to acknowledge that I was still cute even with skin issues, I also knew that if I had been home instead of abroad, I would have been really depressed about it and wanted to hide.
Ha, I actually do usually roll out of bed and out the door. Aside from brushing my teeth and sometimes pulling my hair back, I don’t put forth a lot of effort towards my appearance most days. Now I’m spending an inordinate amount of time cleaning every single tiny spot all over my body and applying topical antibiotics, none of which actually makes me look better. I hate being so insecure about my looks, but I also hate how I look right now.
Haha, well, what I really meant was things like getting dressed. Unless one’s sleepwear also successfully functions as clothes, whatever works. I spent most of the winter in just my robe; really wouldn’t have wanted to post a photo of that, or go out past my backyard 🙂
At least the time spent will probably reduce scarring. I curse skin ailments doubly hard because Asian skin scars super easily.
Such a relatable post. Thanks for sharing this. This really needed to be said. xo
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
“As much as I love authenticity in blogging, I’m still selling a branded version of myself. And that branded image can’t be ugly.” Girl, if that is not a truth bomb, I don’t know what is.
I am pretty happy with my skin complexion. I love that, being dark skinned with dry skin, my blemishes aren’t that noticeable. However, the bad part of having dry skin hit me today when I woke up this morning. It was SUPER flaky and my dead skin was peeling like mad. I am not sure why or how. I did spend a lot of my weekend outside in the sun (which is not typical) so maybe it’s that. Anyway, I had to bring out the moisturizers and I am still trying to figure out the perfect combo that goes well with my skin.
Since I am not a lifestyle or fashion blogger and since I haven’t worked with brands excessively, I don’t put a lot of photos of myself in my blog or Instagram. In fact, I hardly do.
I also agree with Kelly. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with putting your best self forward. But then, our minds play tricks on us thinking that the best versions that we see of people are their only versions. And then we fall into the trap of feeling bad about ourselves. So I guess one fun question to explore is, is it our responsibility to remind ourselves that the internet is full of best versions of people or is it our responsibility to push both imperfect and best versions of ourselves in the name of a more authentic internet experience?
You know how I feel about truth bombs 😉
I have dry skin too, which I don’t mind since that’s also why I don’t get acne. Of course, I get eczema too, but I manage it pretty well.
I think it’s fine to put our best selves forward, but I think we should be honest about it. Like photoshopping in magazines and ads. We all know it’s done, but there’s a difference between erasing blemishes and covering up the ribs of anorexic models. We all know about the former, but the latter is pretty terrible and misleading. We don’t necessarily have to put our imperfect selves out there, although I do, but we shouldn’t pretend our best selves are our only selves.
I love this post & how real it is. Your sense of humor is hilarious! I made my way over from your instagram. Cant wait to read more!
Thank you! I hope you enjoy the rest of my writing.
This is so true. I actually have a personal goal to become more personal and vulnerable in my blogging, but I share your fears and concerns. I think it is all a balance.
So true! But not often acknowledged.