TW: satirical, but graphic descriptions of reproductive health issues
I want a government so small, it fits inside my uterus.
I am just a lady, with a lady brain, so I need a government to get up in my uterus and tell me what to do with it.
After all, it’s not like my compulsory education also guarantees me the right to medically-accurate information! Who knows what kind of blatant lies I learned in school, public or private? Maybe my teacher told me that condoms almost always fail. Maybe my teacher shared a story that basically depicted rape except painted it as the problems with premarital sex. Who knows?! With big government abstinence-only educational problems, anything goes!
Except medically-accurate information in 31 states. That’s just crazy talk. No one wants a government so big that it requires educational programs to be factual!
So obviously I am unequipped to make any decisions over my own body. Luckily, a whole bunch of politicians, including several presidential candidates, want to shrink the government. Yay shrinkage! Then the government will be so small that if a doctor is compelled by law to give me a trans-vaginal ultrasound without my consent, the doctor can shove the government up my vagina too.
We already have a government small enough that crisis pregnancy centers have almost total freedom. Silly ladies with unexpected and unwanted pregnancies don’t know anything. Crisis pregnancy centers do whatever necessary to guide silly ladies to the right path. If they need to lie or misrepresent themselves, why not? Alas, some states want huge, massive, restrictive government that forces crisis pregnancy centers to tell the truth. That is just ridiculous.
Politicians aren’t the only one helping my lady brain make decisions that I’m not equipped to make. In the grand state of Georgia, pharmacists can choose not to fill my prescriptions. Georgia is one of 12 states that realizes that women, even with the advice of doctors, lack both the intelligence and the morality to take the right prescriptions.
I am SO grateful that if a pharmacist disagrees with my doctor’s recommendation, that pharmacist can just refuse to fill my prescription. These models of morality martyr themselves by staying in careers where they continue to receive a paycheck for not fulfilling their job description.
What would I do without a government so small, it fits inside my uterus?
I don’t know.
Not depend on public assistance.
But what do I know?
I’m just a lady!
Oh, my, word, a feminism linkup! Thank you thank you thank you! I think I only have one or two posts in my archive that relate for now, but I love that you’re starting a networking platform based on this important stuff…I’ll definitely start putting together some more stuff for the future.
Yay! I’m so glad you linked up today! I hope you’ll check us out on Facebook and Pinterest. Plus tomorrow will be the second weekly newsletter, Friday’s The F-Word. I just launched that last week!
Yay! I’ve never joined a link up, but hey, here goes.
Love this post. I’m a big one for satire, and it’s well written.
I’m so glad you linked up! Link-ups were a big source of traffic for me during my first few months blogging. Now they’re hit and miss on traffic, but they still usually produce good comments.
I’m glad you enjoyed this post! I make a lot of sarcastic comments IRL on stuff that irritates me, so I just turned my latest irritation into a blog post.
love this and yet it makes me scared to stay permanent in the states.
I went to a feminist discussion group last night at a feminist bookstore in Atlanta. We started by ranting that we are STILL fighting for the very basic human right to have control over our own bodies.
That sounds like allot of fun! I hope to find a group where I live, as soon as I get a car!
Oh man! You made so many great points here. I’m in Canada, so we don’t struggle quite so much with a lot of these exact issues, but society everywhere has got a long way to go.