When I graduated high school, my friend Matt was the valedictorian. In his class address, he said that our four years together were good, but they weren’t the best years of our life. The best years were yet to come.
It was a good speech.
At the time, I didn’t have much to compare it to, and it was a better graduation speech than what we heard the year before. Now that I’ve sat through multiple graduation speeches, I can acknowledge they’re all a variation on a theme (but Matt still said it better than most).
Rah rah, the last four years were good, but the best is yet to come.
Congrats, you did a great job, now go out and make us proud.
And while I might sound jaded, I do realize that recent graduates need to hear that theme. They want to graduate with hope and optimism for an even better tomorrow. Class addresses should inspire the new graduates.
It’s been 20 years since I graduated high school. The class of 2005 may or may not have a reunion, depending on if anyone from our class still in Greenwood can plan an event.
But the passage of 20 years isn’t why I’m thinking about the best years of my life.
Life Without My Mom
Today marks 10 years since my mom died.
Her death is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. Living without her is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
How can any year without my mom be the best year of my life?
It can’t be. Every year without her hurts. The pain never goes away. It just becomes easier to bear.
Thus, the best year of my life must have already happened, sometime before my mom died.
And yet…
Life With My Son
In one month and one day, we’ll celebrate my son’s second birthday.
The single best moment of my entire life is when the nurse laid him in my arms. He brings me such joy every day, even as my joy is tinged with sorrow.
And so, how can any year before my son be the best year of my life?
It can’t be. My joy has never been as great as it is with my son.
The Highest Highs, the Lowest Lows
Becoming a mom without my own mom to guide me is the hardest part about living without her.
It hurts knowing that my son will never know his grandmother, that my mom didn’t live long enough to meet any of her grandchildren.
And she would have been the most wonderful grandma, just like her mom was to me.
The smallest sliver of silver linings is that 10 years ago, my nephew was born a few weeks early. My mom didn’t live long enough to see me become a mom, but she did get to celebrate me becoming an aunt.
Celebrating my nephew’s 10th birthday last week brought me a new rush of feelings. I love him so much. I love all of my niblings, but he’s the one who taught me just how much I could love them. They are so sweet with my son, and I’m excited to watch their cousin relationship continue to grow.
I felt so much joy when my nephew was born, even knowing that my mom was dying.
I felt so much joy planning a special birthday present for him this year, even knowing the anniversary of the worst day of my life was coming soon.
This is my life, day in, day out.
Filled with joy and sorrow.
And that is why I’ll never have a best year.
I’ll have good years and bad years and years of growth and years that challenge me.
But it’s impossible to have a best year, because no year exists with all of my loved ones in it.
The Life Everlasting
My faith gives me hope in life after death.
I don’t know what heaven will be like, but I like to imagine my family and friends all together again.
Time won’t have the same meaning then, but in the life everlasting, somehow, I will have the best year, every year.
