A few years ago, I wrote this as a response to a prompt that I can no longer find. Maybe the prompt was on courage? I told Dan about it before I shared it with a few friends. “It’s a little smug,” I said. “It sounds inspiring,” he replied. I’ve updated it slightly since then.
I have Crohn’s Disease. For the uninitiated, Crohn’s is an autoimmune disorder that results in the inflammation of the digestive system. For me, that means that my ileum (in the small intestine) is fucked up.
I was seven when I started getting sick. I had always been a thin kid, but a healthy and normal weight. I started losing weight. My pallor was washed out. My thick hair was falling out. I had no energy. I had no appetite. My stomach hurt all the time. If I wasn’t throwing up, I was having diarrhea. I ran a fever all too often.
After several unsuccessful trips to the doctor, when I always felt fine and never showed a fever, my mom kept a journal for two weeks of every single complaint I had and symptom I exhibited. We went to the doctor again. This time, he suggested I see a pediatric gastroenterologist to test me for Crohn’s Disease.
Two trips to Augusta, GA (Greenwood didn’t have a pediatric gastroenterologist), and two full mornings of tests, the diagnosis was clear. I had Crohn’s Disease. Based on my body’s deterioration, I had probably gone undiagnosed 2-3 years. Luckily my Crohn’s was caught just in time. A few weeks more without treatment, and I would have ended up hospitalized.
Thus began a new life of daily pills, and uncontrollable weight gains and weight losses, and a monitored diet, and regular doctor visits, and a suppressed immune system, and school absences, and stomach pain, and fatigue, and fears about infertility, and a second job for health insurance for 10 months, and health insurance battles, and secondary infections, and so many diagnostic tests.
Having Crohn’s isn’t easy, but it’s practically the only life I know. This has been an everyday part of my life since childhood. I’m pretty blase about it for a reason.
Was being hospitalized in D.C. while en route to Paris scary? Yes.
Did I feel guilty when Dan missed his friend’s car race because my stomach hurt too much to move, so he took me home instead? Yes.
Have I visited the doctor about a dozen times since May? Yes.
Has my Crohn’s kept me from living my life to the fullest? Hell no.
I try to own up to my privilege whenever possible. I know most of my accomplishments are at least partly due to supportive parents in an upper-middle class household. But most of my friends have supportive parents in an upper-middle class household. Most of us are pretty similar in regards to class privilege.
Many of my friends have done amazing things with their lives. I hang out with lawyers and professors and engineers, many of whom run marathons for fun or are raising families. But the vast majority of my friends are able-bodied. They’ve been predominantly healthy while kicking ass and taking names. I haven’t.
I danced in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. I’ve worked in two foreign countries. I speak a second language. I’m in a documentary, and I’ve made several television appearances. My writing has gone viral.
I did all of that while managing an incurable illness that can leave me exhausted for an inexplicable reason, or cause me to be incapacitated with pain, or force me to run to the loo for long periods of time every hour.
We all have our lot in life. We all have our own unique challenges to face. I’m not special because I have Crohn’s Disease. I’m not special because of anything I’ve done in my life.
However, I am special because I’ve never let my illness stop me from fulfilling all my dreams, and I never will.
What challenges have you faced in your life? How did you overcome them to pursue your own goals?
This resonated with me SO much! I was born with hydrocephalus which back then the prognosis was good but they always said I might not live up to the standards of what a “normal” person would.
Having shown the doctors that they were ridiculous at a young age, it’s given me an amazing amount of confidence as an adult. I AM a productive person in society, holding down a good job, being married.
I love what you said about friends doing great things with their lives but really you’ve done it with an autoimmune disease that can cripple you for weeks or months at a time and that is what should be commended! You’re great, Brita!
Yay for defying expectations! That should give you confidence!
I do absolutely admire my friends for their own accomplishments, so I had to include that. But I am proud for what I’ve managed to do in-between throwing up and living with severe pain and spending ages at the doctor. It’s one reason why my Monthly Goals include my health. I have to focus on my health in a way that very few 20-somethings do.
I second Dan! This is really inspiring Brita and I love it! I love how you celebrate yourself, how honest you are, and your attitude!
Love this. You go girl! I’ve always been very impressed with all you do in spite of your disease. You are an inspiration!