Welcome to Day 8 of #LoveBlog! Today’s prompt is National Marriage Week. Find all other prompts.
What is marriage?
I think anyone who has been married will offer a unique perspective. These are my thoughts on marriage.
Marriage is learning a new skill to please your spouse.
Dan and I took a few dance lessons before our wedding. I re-learned how to drive a manual transmission before we moved to Georgia. We’re both learning to be better cooks.
Marriage is understanding when your spouse makes mistakes.
I am not perfect. Dan is not perfect. Sometimes I screw up. Sometimes he screws up. What matters is that we both try to be kind to each other and to learn from our mistakes.
Marriage is helping each other out.
Dan has done a lot of heavy lifting in the last year and a half. First I spent so much time sick that I just couldn’t do much. Then my mom entered hospice care, and I basically moved back home for the summer. When she died, it’s like my ability to function as a capable adult died as well. While I certainly haven’t sat around and done nothing during this entire time, since everything has come and gone in waves, during each challenging period for me, Dan handled more of the household. On the flip side, when he lost his job, I was still working full-time and doing a full 50% of the household chores. Just like Dan takes on a greater share when I need help, I was willing to do the same for him.
Marriage is the occasional surprise just because.
Sometimes I have a bad day, so Dan brings me home flowers and sparkling wine. Other times I have a really exciting day, so Dan brings me home flowers and sparkling wine. Most of the time my days are perfectly average. Dan stills surprises me periodically with flowers and sparkling wine for no special reason at all.
Marriage is the genuine desire to meet each other halfway.
Most of the time when Dan and I compromise, it’s because we both genuinely want the other to be just as happy with whatever decision we make. A silly example is in the clothes Dan wears for date night. I do want us to look nice together, but I really want him to be comfortable. He wants to be comfortable, but he also wants me to like how he looks. What usually ends up happening is I ask him to wear his nice jeans (he has a few dark pairs) with whatever shirt I pick out. Saturday night we attended “Hearts for the Arts,” a local event to raise money for the Greenwood Arts Council. Naturally I wore a black and red dress, and I happily picked out a red shirt for Dan to wear with his nice jeans. He wore the same outfit the next morning to church. We were both quite happy with his outfit.
Marriage is liking the same food.
Seriously, we bond so much over bacon. And steak. And all the yummy yummy ways we make potatoes. And boneless wings. Even though we usually don’t go out to eat that often, when we do, we often split an entree! Loving most of the same foods, and having small appetites, makes it so easy to save money in restaurants! Daddy took us out to lunch yesterday after church. Dan and I split a small bacon-pepperoni pizza. It was amazing.
Marriage is making tea for each other.
I find something so loving in the simple act of making two cups of tea instead of one. Dan and I frequently drink herbal tea before bed. When I make him a cup, I add a little cold tap water to his mug to cool it down more quickly, since he doesn’t drink it very hot. I also set it down on his coaster so he doesn’t burn his hands on the hot mug. He gives me the sweetest look when he thanks me, and my heart just feels so full of love for him.
Meet Your #LoveBlog Hosts!
Meet Brita Long: Christian feminist blissfully married to Dan Fleck for almost two years. Lover of Paris, pink sparkles, sensible shoes, manicures, and books. Fueled by hot tea and mimosas.
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Meet Brianna Campbell: Married to a dashing filmmaker named Clark, mama to our fur-child, Theodore. Blogger, singer/songwriter, and legal assistant. I love Jesus and cold beer. I write about health and wholeness, relationships, and finances. You can usually find me with coffee in hand watching Doctor Who or Friends.
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Meet Tayler Morrell: Mormon stay at home mom married to her best friend, Justin, for 3.5 years. Mother to 19 month old Rhys. “Retired” history and English teacher, runner, lover of video games, fantasy, books, and cooking. Consumer of Italian food, chocolate, steak, and strawberries.
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What does marriage mean to you?
Liking the same foods and having small appetites would definitely help make dates cheaper! We love a lot of the same foods…but that Angel can eat a LOT, and I do my fair share, too. haha! In some moods we can split…but we’d be splitting a large or x-large pizza. 😛
Ha, I definitely know we’re pretty unusual in that regard. 😉 I’ve always preferred splitting food, though! Once my palate outgrew the kids’ menu, but not my appetite, my dad & I started picking out large entrees together when my family went out to eat so I could eat Brita-sized portions of yummy foods. This especially helped anytime I wanted to try something new. I never wanted my parents to have to spend $20 on a plate full of fancy food that I didn’t like! My dad likes everything, though, so we would just split stuff, and in the few instances I didn’t like it, I usually got my fill from the sides and a few bites of everyone else’s dinner. 😉
My husband would LOVE if I drank tea with him…except I think it tastes like dirt so instead I’ve been making it for him lately so I can feel included in his 12 time a day ritual.
Like dirt?!?! What kinds have you tried? There are SO many teas out there!!!!
Also he might drink more tea than I do. Which I didn’t think was possible.
Lol bonding over bacon; I love it! My husband and I bond over our love for chile, and I’m SO thankful for that! Marriage, to me, means that you’re always growing, always learning, always loving, and always there for your partner. It means enjoying and really soaking in those good days, and embracing and working through the hard times.
Love your thoughts on marriage. 🙂 I definitely think growing together is key!
So great, Brita! All of those things are absolutely true in my marriage as well. Another thing I would add to this list is staying courteous. I know a lot of couples who expect their spouses to do certain things, and certainly that is appropriate at times, but I still say thank you when he takes the dog out. He still say thanks if I grab him a napkin. It helps us feel like we aren’t taking one another for granted. 🙂 Thanks for a wonderful post!
I always thought that too, but once I spent more time with Dan’s family, I realized verbal thank-yous can be a family thing. I grew up with all of us thanking my parents after every single meal, for example. And my parents thanking my siblings & me for doing our chores. Dan’s family is certainly grateful to each other, but I’ve noticed a lot less verbal thank-yous than in my family. So while I thank Dan a lot for doing stuff, he doesn’t do the same for me on a regular basis. But because my love language is Words of Affirmation, he does make a point every so often to say a very nice mini-speech of gratitude for the stuff I do overall. It evens out in the end. 🙂
I love this, Brita! All your points are so sweet. We’ve definitely done our fair share of all of these. Isn’t it fun to reflect on your relationship like this? Whenever I write anything like this, I fall in love all over again!
I just felt so fond of Dan last night while I was writing this! And then as I got into bed late (since we went to church with my dad yesterday, and then lunch, and then Dad & I spent time looking at old pictures of Mom and talking about her, I didn’t get any blogging done during the day), I thought of another. Even when Dan is sound asleep, when I crawl into bed with him, whether it’s because I’m up late or because I had to pee in the middle of the night, he always readjusts his body to cuddle mine. I never thought I’d be able to comfortable share a bed with another person since anytime I’ve shared with a friend or family member, I didn’t sleep all that well. Turns out Dan is my perfect exception. <3
I feel the same way! It was an adjustment sharing a bed for the first week or so but now I sleep a lot worse on nights when Pearson’s out of town or not there for whatever reason!
This is so true….it’s the little things that truly make marriage in my opinion. A hot mu of tea on a cold day delivered to you without asking, a random sweet text in the middle of the day, taking the dogs out because he knows you freeze in winter….give me those things any day and I am a happy wife!
Compromise and bacon are definitely key to success! Our best talks are when its just us, and food!
I love these! Even in our short time of marriage, I can relate to almost all of them 🙂
Heehee, I wish *my* marriage was liking the same food! I’m an idealistic mostly-vegetarian trying-to-be-vegan married to a carnivore who is more than happy to be in Texas if only for the meat. 😛
Totally love the “making tea for each other” though. That I can relate to!